Family Guy (1999)

Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater

When Lois' wealthy aunt dies unexpectedly, the Griffins inherit her extravagant mansion. Although his family doesn't want to relocate, Peter is eager to enter the ranks of the upper classes and moves them onto the estate. Revenue from the sale of the Griffins' old house goes to the live-in servants, who haven't been paid in months. Caught up in the spirit of his new social standing, Peter bids ten million dollars at the Historical Society for a work of art, offering to trade his mansion for the piece. It is revealed, however, that the mansion used to be a whorehouse and is not worth any significant amount. A commoner once again, Peter finds that his family still loves him.

Holy Crap

Peter's dad is forced to retire from the mill. A stern workaholic, the elder Griffin does not take retirement well. When Peter and Lois suggest that he come spend some time with them, Peter's dad agrees, and Peter gets excited at the prospect of bonding with his father. But the new living arrangement doesn't go according to plan: In addition to being a workaholic, Peter's dad is also a control freak. He tells the children what TV shows they can watch, tells Peter how to spend his free time and instructs Lois on how to raise the kids. Peter decides that the best way to get closer to his father is to bring him along to the toy factory, but this plan also backfires. Peter's boss is impressed by the retiree's work ethic and hires him as a foreman, ensuring widespread misery at the plant. After Peter's dad increases work hours and implements strict rules, Peter is desperate to make him quit. Peter kidnaps the Pope to ask for his help to convince his dad that he is a good person. The Pontiff is also impressed by the retiree's ambition, and offers him yet another job.

DaBoom

Peter is paranoid about the end of the world and tricks the family into canceling all their New Year's Eve '99 plans. For once, he is right about something: On January 1, 2000, bombs destroy every structure in the world, except for a surprisingly sturdy Twinkie factory. The Griffins set out to find the factory, but along the way find a seemingly perfect home with the exception of Randy Newman. They decide to continue onto Natick, in hopes of creating a new Quahog.

Brian in Love

After cleaning up more than a few pee stains around the house, Lois thinks it may be time to potty-train Stewie. Stewie, outraged that he's being blamed for the carpet stains, totally resists Peter's efforts to train him. Meanwhile, Brian knows the truth - that he's the one responsible for the "accidents." Mortified, he continues to blame Stewie, until an accident in the grocery store reveals his messy little secret. Brian goes to a therapist who suggests a European (you're-a-pee-n?) vacation to ease Brian's stress. Not until he returns from his travels does Brian realize the true source of his problem - his secret crush on Lois!

Love Thy Trophy

When their Who's the Boss float takes top prize in the Quahog Harvest Day Parade, the neighborhood literally goes to war over who gets custody of the trophy. Meanwhile, in an effort to get big tips at her new waitressing job, Meg tells customers that Stewie is her illegitimate crack baby. When family services investigates, and finds the Griffin home in the middle of a war zone, they take custody of Stewie. Once everyone finds out that Stewie's in foster care, the neighborhood declares peace and plots a rescue mission.

Death Is a Bitch

After Lois discovers a lump in Peter's breast, he lands in the hospital. He's okay, until the whopping bill arrives! To avoid payment, Peter fools the hospital into thinking he's dead. As a result, Death pays a visit to the Griffin home. While Stewie is excited to meet his idol, the rest of the family doesn't want Peter to go--especially Peter! A chase ensues and Death is injured. While He recuperates, Peter is forced to take over Death's unpopular duties.

The King is Dead

Lois is named the new artistic director of the Quahog Players theatre group and decides to direct The King and I as her first production. Peter wants to be a star and becomes such a nuisance that Lois makes him a producer to get him out of her hair. He goes on a major power trip and soon wrestles total control away from Lois, kicking her off the production team all together! Peter soon realizes his vision by turning the musical into a racy cyborg battle, complete with bikini-clad dancing girls.

I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar

Peter starts telling inappropriate jokes at work and a female coworker sues him for harassment. Forced to go on a retreat for women, Peter resists at first. After two weeks, however, the effects of female bonding kick in and Peter becomes a sensitive male. Back at home, no one finds Peter's new "female" behavior charming, least of all Lois. Sure, the cuddling in bed is nice, but when Peter tries to breast-feed Stewie, Lois starts getting annoyed. When they both attend a women's charity dinner, Lois and the guest speaker get into a knock-down, drag-out fight--and Peter gets so turned on by the "chick" wrestling, he snaps out of his female phase.

If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'

When Peter's favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, faces cancellation, he takes drastic measures to save it. Using Chris as bait for "The Make-A-Dream-Come-True" Foundation, Peter tells them that Chris' dying wish is that the show be renewed. But when the Foundation arrives to check up on Chris' "tumorsyphillis-itis-osis", Peter panics and tells them that Chris was miraculously cured. Word spreads of the "miracle" and Peter becomes the "Miracle Healer of Quahog." Of course, Peter loves the attention and Lois thinks it's immoral to live such a lie. When the Griffins become mysteriously plagued by everything from locusts to bloody bathwater, Lois forces Peter to end the charade.

Running Mates

Lois decides to run for the school board, which thrills Stewie who will be somewhat unsupervised during her campaign. Lois runs unopposed until Peter joins the race in order to get his favorite teacher reinstated. He immediately starts negative campaigning that spreads lies about Lois and shows sexy photos of her.. His tactics work and Peter is elected. His first order of business is to replace the hall monitors with robots. Ultimately, his new policies backfire when Peter allows Chris to bring porno mags to school and protests erupt. Peter must publicly apologize in order to win Lois back and save face with the town of Quahog.

A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Bucks

During a birthday visit to Funland, Peter runs into a former classmate who founded the amusement park. Peter starts to think he won't have a great legacy like Funland to leave once he dies. Chris gives Peter a painting to cheer him up, and Peter sells it to a New York gallery for five grand. Deciding that Chris is his only hope for a legacy, Peter moves the family to New York so Chris can become a famous artist.

Fifteen Minutes of Shame

In an effort to up her popularity, Meg has a slumber party. However, the night is disrupted by the embarrassing antics of both Lois and Peter. Mortified, Meg takes the family on a talk show where they are "discovered" by network execs. The Griffins become a TV sensation when they are followed around by cameras 24-hours a day in a show called "The Real Griffins." Soon after the show's premiere, executives decide that Meg is too boring and have her recast with a slutty teen girl.

Road to Rhode Island

When Stewie begins causing trouble at his grandparents' house in Palm Springs, Brian offers to go across country to bring him home. But as Brian drinks in an airport bar, Stewie manages to lose the airline tickets, forcing them to road trip back to Quahog. Along the way, they stop at the puppy mill in Austin where Brian was born. After finding out that his mother has died, been stuffed, and now serves as a table, Brian and Stewie manage to steal the table (er, Mom) to give her a proper burial.

Let's Go to the Hop

When the kids at Quahog High discover that licking toads will get them high, Peter poses as a student at Meg's school to narc out the young offenders. But the undercover work goes a little too well -- Peter soon finds himself the big man on campus, living the high school life he always wanted but never got. Next thing you know, Peter's going to the big school dance with Meg's rival Connie, the most popular girl in school.

Dammit Janet

Fearing that Stewie has no social skills, Lois places him in daycare. Stewie hates the bureaucracy of the playground until he sets his eyes on doe-eyed toddler, Janet. While he tries various ways to impress her, he finally wins her over by sharing his cookies. Meanwhile, Lois now has nothing to do all day so Peter talks her into becoming a flight attendant. Peter's ulterior motive is to take advantage of the free travel - and he promptly starts abusing the privilege. When Peter and Lois land on the same flight, Peter's game is over! Unfortunately the plane is highjacked and forced to land in Cuba, where Peter and Lois remained stranded. After a trip to the local black market, the gain passage back to the U.S. on a lifeboat filled with refugees.

There's Something About Paulie

Peter and Lois go to buy a second car, but when Peter refuses to listen to Lois's good advice, they end up buying a lemon. Peter gets an offer from the mob to steal his crappy car so he can get insurance to pay for another one, and despite warnings from his friend, he takes the deal. Of course, shortly thereafter, the mob comes to Peter to ask for a favor. The Don asks Peter to take his annoying nephew, Big Fat Paulie, out to the movies. Big Fat Paulie ends up coming home for dinner with Peter, and pissing off the entire Griffin family. Peter tells Paulie that he can't hang out with him anymore because Lois doesn't like him, so Paulie takes out a hit on Lois.

He's Too Sexy for His Fat

Due to Brian's embarrassing flea problem, the Griffin's move into a hotel while the house if fumigated. Lois and Peter soon discover that Chris has been skipping gym class because he's self-conscious about his body. Peter tries to talk Chris into getting liposuction, while Lois starts preparing him special low fat meals. Stewie starts taunting Chris by eating everything in sight, and starts packing on the baby fat. Even though Chris isn't up for surgery, Peter decides to go for it. The new, svelte Peter has Lois all hot and bothered. Peter loves the results of his lipo and decides to have some work done on his face. The new, handsome Peter starts getting all sorts of special treatment: at the gym, at the grocery store, even from total strangers. Lois doesn't like the new Peter's attitude, especially when he joins "The Beautiful People's Club." Karma catches up to Peter while he's on his way to the club. Unable to take his eyes off himself, Peter plunges his car over a cliff. The nasty fall - and subsequent crash-landing into a large vat of lard - leaves him horribly disfigured (ie: back to normal).

E. Peterbus Unum

It's tax refund season, and everyone's cashing in except Peter! Tired of watching his neighbors buy expensive toys, Peter decides to get an accountant that can net him a profit. Satisfied that the new CPA will get him a huge refund, Peter announces to the family that he's going to use the money to put in a pool. While excitement at the Griffin house grows, Peter goes to get a building permit. He's shocked to learn that the city codes do not allow swimming pools. Outraged, Peter digs deeper (so to speak) and learns that the county has no record of his land. Armed with this new info, Peter decides to declare his land a country and make himself the president!

The Story on Page One

After an interview at Brown University, Meg realizes she needs more extra-curricular activities to gain entrance to this prestigious school. She joins every club and even tries cheerleading, but fails miserably at them all. Finally, she decides to join the school newspaper. Her journalism career goes nowhere, until Peter fabricates a story regarding actor Luke Perry. Peter writes a gossipy article, but uses Meg's byline. When the article is published it creates a sensation, because Peter claimed Luke Perry was gay. Meg and Peter soon become embroiled in a headline-grabbing lawsuit when Luke sues them for defamation of character.

Wasted Talent

When the local brewery has a contest offering tours of the plant, Peter and his friends go on a drinking binge trying to find the winning beer can. Through a stroke of dumb luck, Peter and Brian actually find one of the winning "scrolls". In a Willy Wonka homage, Peter and Brian start the tour, but are quickly kicked out after breaking the rules. Meanwhile, Lois's students have a big piano recital/competition coming up - and Lois is praying one of her students wins. She thinks she's got a lock on it when she signs a new student, Ling, a piano prodigy. However, in her enthusiasm, Lois works Ling too hard and she drops out! In an odd twist, Peter - in a drunken stupor over being booted from the contest - sits down at the piano and plays brilliantly! Lois is thrilled and keeps Peter drunk long enough to win the piano recital.

Fore, Father

After a father-son camping trip, Peter realizes how irresponsible Chris is after raccoons steal their food and their car. Back at home, Peter gets Chris a job at the local golf course to try and teach him to be more responsible. Chris is content to just pick up golf balls, until he discovers that Peter has entered the father-son golf tournament, with Cleveland Jr.! Discouraged that Peter is focusing all his attention on Cleveland Jr., Chris rebels by hanging out with Quagmire at strip clubs. Ultimately, Cleveland Jr. abandons Peter who recruits Chris at the last minute. However, when they lose, Peter must deal with an angry group of gamblers who put money on Cleveland Jr. Despite all the recent heartache, Chris gives his dad his first paycheck in order to save his butt!

The Thin White Line (1)

Brian feels like he's stuck in a rut so he takes his therapist's advice and tries to help others for a change. He ends up a very successful drug-sniffing dog for the Quahog police department, but along the way he gets addicted to cocaine. Peter is disappointed when the Griffin family has to cancel their planned vacation in the Bahamas to help support Brian who is in rehab, but decides to tag along with his dog when he sees the beautiful clinic. A therapist at the clinic tells Brian that Peter is a bad influence on him. Although Brian defends his friend and leaves rehab in protest, the wise dog realizes he does need some time away from the Griffin family and leaves Quahog for parts unknown.

Brian Does Hollywood (2)

Brian is a struggling screenwriter in Hollywood, which really means he's waitering and washing cars. Brian's cousin introduces the lost dog to a local producer who offers Brian a job directing... a porno. Meanwhile, Stewie has a successful audition for Kids Say the Darndest Things, and plots to use hypnotizing glasses on national television to take over the world. The Griffins get a free trip to Los Angeles due to Stewie's TV appearance and come to visit Brian at work. Brian is ashamed of working in porn and tries to hide it from his family, leading them to believe that he's now a stuck-up Hollywood big shot. Brian is miserable when he is nominated for a Woody Award for porn directing and can't share it with his family. Luckily, Brian's cousin calls the Griffins and tells them about the award. Brian's family is there to support him when he wins the Woody, and he realizes that it was a mistake to leave Quahog. Stewie's plot is foiled when Bill Cosby unwittingly uses the young boy's glasses and hypnotizes Stewie into being a complacent kid.

Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington

Peter's toy company gets bought out by the Eldorado cigarette company, and the toys are then used to market cigarettes to children. When Peter, on Lois's advice, confronts his new bosses about their evil use of toys, they promote Peter to president to shut him up. Lois, pleased with all the perks that come with Peter's new position, keeps her mouth shut too, while Brian quits smoking in protest. Peter's bosses send him to Washington to lobby against a bill that would put them out of business, because they figure politicians will be able to relate to a big dumb fat guy. When Lois finds Stewie smoking a cigarette, she goes down to Washington to stop what Peter's doing, and Peter ends up getting his tobacco company fined $100,000,000.

One If By Clam, Two If By Sea

When a hurricane strikes Quohog, everything is destroyed including The Drunken Clam, which is bought out by a Brit who turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie tries to teach Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter how to speak proper English.

And the Wiener is...

Peter joins a gun club but when he takes Chris on a father-son hunting trip, it takes brains, not brawn, to save them. Meanwhile, Meg finds herself the target of the cool kids' wrath at school.

Death Lives

When Peter sets up a distracting scavenger hunt for Lois so that he can sneak away and play golf on their anniversary, he is struck by lightning. While he hovers in limbo, Death comes to give him a revelation. Through flashbacks of his relationship with Lois, Peter realizes that if he doesn't pay more attention to his beloved wife, she will leave him. At the same time, Peter gives Death dating tips, and gets the grim reaper a date with a girl from a pet store... who turns out to be incredibly boring. Peter gets out of limbo just in time to surprise Lois with Peter Frampton playing "their song" when she arrives to bust him playing golf.

Lethal Weapons

Bonnie convinces Lois to join her Tae-Jitsu class and Quahog is invaded by New York "leafers" coming to look at the pretty colored leaves in fall. Lois quickly becomes a black-belt, and Peter uses his new dangerous wife to drive away all the annoying New Yorkers. However, Lois's new-found violent side finds its way into the Griffin household, and after trying counseling, the whole family has an all-out brawl to get it out of their system.

The Kiss Seen Around the World

When Meg, due to her crush on Tom Tucker, the newscaster, applies for an internship at the local television station and gets the job, she is disappointed to find that her news partner is the most reviled nerd in school, Neil. Caught in a life-threatening news situation, Meg laments that she never had a first kiss and agrees to kiss Neil only to find that he taped the whole thing in order to broadcast it across the world. Meg broadcasts her own news that she has no interest in Neil, sending him to the ledge on top of Town Hall. She breaks his fall, only to find out that he had no intention of jumping and was just trying to get her attention again. Stewie's prized new tricycle is stolen by the neighborhood bully, but the bully soon learns not to screw with Stewie.

Mr. Saturday Knight

Peter's boss dies and the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is destroyed in order to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute. Out of a job, Peter decides to follow his lifelong dream of becoming a knight with the traveling Renaissance Fair, but when he's caught in a compromising position with the infamous Black Knight's wench, he must defend his family's reputation in an old-fashioned duel.

Fish Out of Water

Still out of work and now grotesquely overweight, Peter finally decides to find his true calling: fishing. He doesn't have the money to buy a boat so he goes to a police auction and overbids on one. Peter visits a loan shark and unwittingly signs a contract that will put him in debt forever. When Peter finds out about a mythic fish with a price on its head, he realizes that it's his best way of getting all his money back and his now repossessed house and possessions. Peter and the guys set out to catch Daggermouth, the man-eating bluefish. They go out and find the fish, only it turns out to be a robot. He collects the cash and gets everything back. Meanwhile, Lois tries to cheer up Meg because she wasn't invited anywhere for spring break. Lois takes her to a beach party and Meg gets jealous of all the attention her mom is getting. When it becomes too much to bare, Meg decides to flash all the spring breakers. Lois and Meg consequently get arrested.

Emission Impossible

Peter and Lois visit Lois' sister Carole who is alone and pregnant since her husband walked out on her. While at the house, Carole goes into labor and Peter is forced to deliver. Overwhelmed by the experience, Peter and Lois decide to have another baby. A shocked and appalled Stewie however, makes it his mission to stop any conception whatsoever. Through varied attempts and schemes, Stewie is able to avoid any colloidal collisions between Peter and Lois, but when they lock him out of the room, he's forced to go into emergency mode. Stewie shrinks himself down to microscopic size and seeks out his new sibling (sperm-brother) inside Peter's body. Instead of killing his unborn brother, they hit it off - bonding over the desire to destroy Lois. Stewie leaves Peter's body with the new hope that his brother to-be will soon join him in his attempts at world domination.

To Live and Die in Dixie

When Chris ID's a convenience store robber, his family is placed in the witness protection program and sent down to the Deep South for their own protection. There, Chris befriends a boy named Sam. When the town puts on a reenactment of the Civil War, reinventing history by having the South come away victorious, Peter questions the truth and the town turns against him. Because of Peter's "slander," Sam's father forbids Sam from seeing Chris. Upset, Sam kisses Chris on the mouth. Although flattered, Chris tells Sam that he's doesn't like him in a physical sense. Back in Quahog, A FBI agent accidentally tells the convenience store robber the location of the Griffins. At a party in the Deep South, Sam reveals to Chris that he's actually a girl. The robber arrives in the town and is about to kill Chris before the town residents step in and stop the thief.

Screwed The Pooch

Brian admits to Peter and Lois that he has had a lot of sexual yearnings lately. Lois suggests that Brian join them on their visit to the Pewterschmidts for a change of scenery. In the meantime, Peter is determined to pick up the Pewterschmidt culture. Peter starts to impress Mr. Pewterschmidt, but all is for naught when he accidentally unties a knot while sailing. When Brian sees Mr. Pewterschmidt's dog, Sea Breeze, he loses it and attacks her. The doctor informs them that Sea Breeze is okay, but is pregnant. When Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian near Sea Breeze or her litter, Brian sues Mr. Pewterschmidt for custody of the puppies, but only if he gets neutered. While Brian is in one room ready to be neutered, Sea Breeze is in another about to give birth. Just as Brian is about to neutered, Lois rushes in to save him and tells him that Sea Breeze gave birth to another breed and thus saving Brian from fatherhood.

Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?

Chris gets a new job as the water boy for the basketball team. After being around the black players, Chris becomes a super-cool black dude in a white person's body. Cleveland takes Chris to learn about his own Irish heritage at a museum. Chris later visits a library to look up his genealogy and is elated to discover that a black man (Nate Griffin) was part of his family. Peter tries to embrace his black culture by visiting a black theatre and club, but he doesn't get it. When Lois' parents visit, it is revealed that the Pewterschmidts' ancestors owned Nate Griffin. The Pewterschmidts' give Peter money to alleviate their guilt. Soon Peter begins to suffer the discrimination of being black. While at a basketball game, Peter looks in the mirror and he sees Nate, who shows him that he has been selfish. Peter announces to everyone in the gym that he was a jerk for taking the money. He throws the cash in the air, and everyone scrambles to get their share, showing that all races are unified by greed. Meanwhile, Stewie plots to get rid of the head cheerleader so he can be on top of the pyramid.

Ready, Willing, and Disabled

When Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter becomes determined to help Joe and offers to train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter spikes Joe's drink with steroids and he goes on to win the gold medal and fame. Meanwhile, Stewie, Meg and Brian fight over a money clip and twenty six dollars.

A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas

Lois loves the holiday season and is excited about decorating the house, opening presents and introducing Stewie to Santa Claus. Stewie, on the other hand, is completely paranoid about this fat man in a red suit who can somehow maintain 24-hour surveillance on all the world's children! Peter, sent to drop off one gift to Toys for Toddlers, accidentally gives all the family's presents to the charity. When he and Lois hit the mall to rebuy everything - they are caught up in the last-minute shopping madness. Lois and Peter are completely frazzled, but Lois clings desperately to the hope that they can still have wonderful Christmas. That hope is dashed, however, when they arrive home to find Brian, the house and the Christmas turkey burned to a crisp. Lois finally snaps and goes on quest to snatch the star from atop the city's huge Christmas tree. Only Stewie's motivational speech as the baby jesus (and a tranquilizer gun) can bring Lois back down to earth.

Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows

When Brian is arrested for drunk driving, he's forced to do community service, which consists of helping Pearl, a middle-aged, agoraphobic, bitter woman. Brian gets so fed up with her insanity, that he storms out of her house. Later, Brian watches a television documentary that reveals Pearl's past as a top advertising jingle singer of the 1950s and 60s. Brian warms up to her, realizing where her pain comes from, and eventually she warms up to him too. He convinces Pearl to actually go outside, but she gets by a bus. While on her deathbed, Brian and Pearl share a fantasy intimate moment, but as they are about to kiss, she dies. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and learns that a swallow has nested inside it. He wants to shave it off but can't when he finds out the bird is an endangered species. Peter eventually grows attached to the bird and starts feeling maternal. Lois is finally able to convince Peter to let the bird fly away and also teaches Brian about moving on with his life after Pearl's death.

From Method to Madness

When Brian expresses his interest in theatre, Lois tells him to try out for the Quahog School of Performing Arts. During the audition, Brian turns in a mediocre performance and is dismissed by the judges. Stewie, determined to get Brian a second chance, throws a melodramatic fit. The teachers, impressed with Stewie's theatrics, enroll him in the rising stars program. Stewie doesn't realize he is struggling at the school until he overhears his teachers discussing how he and Olivia, the school's most promising but overly haughty student. will be asked to leave if they don't shine in the quarterly review. Stewie tells Olivia that they must put on the performance of a lifetime or they'll get kicked out, and their routine is a hit. Stewie and Olivia become fast friends, but the harmony ends when competition, pressure and fast-fame set in. Olivia walks off the stage mid-routine, leaving Stewie to finish the performance. Stewie takes his act solo, but is booed everywhere he goes. Meanwhile Meg finally gets a boyfriend, a boy from an all-American family. There's only one problem with this family though - they're nudists.

Stuck Together, Torn Apart

Peter's jealousy reaches new heights when he accompanies Lois to the gynecologist. As the doctor prepares to examine Lois, Peter refuses to let him near her. Later, while shopping, Lois runs into an ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, who innocently asks her out for coffee. Fearful of Peter over-reacting, Lois sneaks off to meet Ross. At the same time, Joe picks up Peter for a joyride in his new high-tech surveillance van. While parked outside a diner, they see Lois and Ross inside. Using the van's high-tech gadgets, Peter misinterprets Lois and Ross' words. Angered, Peter decides to make Lois jealous by hiring prostitutes to pose as his ex-girlfriends. Realizing their marriage needs help, Lois and Peter see a marriage therapist, who suggests placing video cameras around the house for a week. After viewing the tapes, the therapist recommends that Peter and Lois date other people during a trial separation. Quagmire, hoping to take advantage of Lois' vulnerability, invites her on a date to a restaurant where they run into Peter and his gorgeous date, Jenner Love Hewitt. Lois becomes enraged with jealousy and shoos Peter's date away. They leave together happily. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian accidentally super glue themselves together at the store. They have to wait a week before the solvent arrives in the mail. While stuck together, they actually begin to like one another. Of course, things return to normal the moment they're released from their glued prison.

Road to Europe

Stewie is addicted to the British hot children's show "Jolly Farm Review" based on Mother Maggie, a benevolent figure who looks after kids on a farm. Brian makes fun of Stewie for watching the show, but Stewie is determined to visit Jolly Farm in England because he thinks he belongs there. He stows away on a British Airways jet, which he assumes is headed for London. Brian tries to drag Stewie off the plane, but before he can, the plane takes off. When the plane lands, they discover that they are in Saudi Arabia are stranded in the middle of a desert with no passports or resources to get out. As luck would have it, Brian and Stewie encounter a Comfort Inn in the middle of nowhere and manage to steal a hot-air balloon to fly home, but the contraption falls apart over Italy, just as the Pope is about to address the masses. Brian wants to head home, but Stewie insists on finding the Jolly Farm in England. When they finally get to England, Stewie runs onto the set of the show. His fantasy is crushed when he encounters only a set full of props and disgruntled people, including Mother Maggie. Brian shows Stewie Charles Dickens' modest house and points out that Dickens was able to rise out of poverty to accomplish great things and Stewie will be able to achieve success even though he feels stifled at the Griffin house. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter travel to KISS-stock, where Lois embarrasses herself because she doesn't know the lyrics to a KISS song. She redeems herself though when it's revealed that she once hooked up with band leader Gene Simmons!

Family Guy Viewer Mail #1

In a special three-story episode, Brian reads viewer mail and tries to answer profound questions: "Li'l Griffins" The Griffins as the little rascals. Kid versions of Peter, Joe, and Brian decide that they don't need girls. When they first meet Lois however, they quickly abandon their anti-girl sentiment. In school, Lois reads a book touting the virtues of bravery, and Peter and Quagmire try to prove who's the bravest by staying in a haunted house overnight. "No Bones About it" Peter rubs a beer bottle and a Genie pops out to grant him three wishes. Peter first wishes that Jackie Gleason wasn't dead. A zombie-like Gleason terrorizes the Griffins until Stewie blasts it dead. Peter then wishes he didn't have any bones. The Genie transforms him into a gelatin blob and he can no longer have sex. Upset, Peter flushes himself down the toilet and winds up in Hollywood. He meets a doctor who tells him about a re-boning procedure. Peter gets the operation, which turns out came from bones donated from his own family. "Super Griffins" A tanker truck containing radioactive waste slams into the Griffin house. The radiation affects each Griffin in a different way. Lois gains super strength while Peter has morphing ability. Lois tells her family that they must not abuse their powers. Of course that doesn't work and the town is forced to hold a meeting to see how to stop the Griffins from wreaking havoc. Adam West realizes he must fight fire with fire. He volunteers to roll around in toxic waste but he only gets lymphoma as a result. The Griffins, racked with guilt, use their powers to make Adam's recovery more comfortable.

When You Wish Upon a Weinstein

The day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems. When Peter wishes for a Jewish "money guy" to help them, Max Weinstein comes to the rescue. After meeting Max, Peter decides Chris could be successful if he converted to Judaism as soon as possible, but the plans for a "quickie" bar mitzvah in Las Vegas are quickly foiled by Lois.

North by North Quahog

Peter decides to take Lois on a second honeymoon. But when things go awry, they end up posing as a famous actor/director to stay in his fancy hotel suite, where they inadvertently discover a copy of "The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This." Peter and Lois attempt to destroy the film and end up in a high-speed chase with two Catholic priests hell-bent on saving the movie.

Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High

When Chris' teacher wins the lotto and quits, Brian fills in as the substitute. All's well until Brian is moved to another class where he must teach troubled kids to aim low. Meanwhile, Chris is instantly smitten with his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart, who promises to be with him if he kills her husband. But when Lois finds the teacher's written instructions in Chris' laundry, she and Stewie conspire together to find answers and teach Chris a lesson.

Blind Ambition

After Quagmire gets a key to the city by performing CPR, Peter notices he has nothing to be proud of. He then attempts to achieve fame by setting the world's record for most nickels swallowed. However, a slight miscalculation leaves him blind with nickel poisoning.

Don't Make Me Over

When Meg asks a cute boy at school on a date and he turns her down, she looks to her family for support. In an effort to cheer her up, Lois takes Meg to the mall, where she gets the ultimate makeover. Meanwhile, Peter tries to start a band with the guys, but it's Meg's new look that has the record producers singing their praises. So the Griffins form a traveling family band that takes them all the way to New York to perform on "Saturday Night Live".

The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire

When Peter hears screams coming from Cleveland and Loretta's house, he tries to help but discovers Loretta in a compromising position. Peter identifies the other man as Quagmire and decides to tell Cleveland of his wife's extracurricular activities. But when Loretta walks out on Cleveland he doesn't take it lying down on.

Petarded

After winning a game of Trivial Pursuit, Peter is convinced he is a genius. To prove Peter wrong, Brian suggests he take a test of the MacArthur Genius Grant. The test results say that Peter is technically mentally challenged. Peter has no problem abusing this handicap until Lois is injured and the kids are taken away because Peter is not mentally fit for parenting.

Brian the Bachelor

"The Bachelorette" comes to Quahog and Brian is chosen to be a contestant. Brian does not like the show, but participates just to have a vacation only to wind up falling in love with the bachelorette. Meanwhile, Chris gets a nasty pimple on his cheek, which talks to Chris and likes to cause mischief.

8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter

When Peter runs up a tab at the local pharmacy, the only way out of paying the bill is to sell Meg to the owner’s son, Neil, who has been stalking her for months. But when Neil starts dating another girl, Meg becomes jealous and goes on the hunt to find a boyfriend of her own. Meanwhile, Stewie goes gaga over his hot new babysitter, Liddane.

Breaking Out Is Hard to Do

Lois's kleptomania lands her in jail, leaving the Griffin household in a worse state of disarray than usual. In an effort to restore their lives Peter breaks Lois out of jail, only to find themselves fugitives living in "Asian Town" Peter takes up sumo wrestling to pay the bills, until Joe sees Peter on television and goes after them. The family takes refuge in the sewers but it is no use; Joe follows them even down there. A miscalculation sends him hurtling towards his certain doom when Lois saves him... which some how magically absolves her of her crimes.

Model Misbehavior

Lois fulfills a lifelong dream of being a model. Stewie starts on a multi-level marketing company. Brian in need of cash to buy his de-worming medication agrees to become his salesman.

Peter's Got Woods

Peter and Brian’s friendship becomes strained after Brian begins dating Meg’s high school teacher. Peter finds a replacement in new best friend James Woods, who is visiting Quahog because of a suggestion to rename James Woods High School after Martin Luther King Jr.

Perfect Castaway

When Peter and the guys go on a fishing trip, they end up in choppy waters that leave them stranded on a desert island. Months later, the guys are rescued from the island and Peter returns home to discover the new man of the house has a bark that's worse than his bite.

Jungle Love

When Chris is supposed to be hazed for a school tradition, he runs off to South America; Peter quickly becomes frustrated by his new job at the beer factory.

PTV

After a controversial mishap occurs during a live broadcast, the FCC begins to censor all of Peter’s favorite television shows. Peter retaliates by creating his own TV station – “PTV” – which he operates out of the Griffin home. Peter and Brian create some edgy hits for the station, until the FCC shows up and starts to regulate their everyday life .

Brian Goes Back to College

After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian gets a job at The New Yorker.

The Courtship of Stewie's Father

Lois thinks Stewie is trying to kill her because of his lack of quality time with his father, so she orders Peter to spend more time with Stewie and Chris starts a friendship with Herbert.

Fat Guy Strangler

Lois discovers she has a brother named Patrick and therefore takes the family cross-country to meet him. However, it turns out that he's in a mental institution, but Lois thinks he's sane, so she checks him out to live with the Griffins. Meanwhile, Peter starts a Society for the Acceptance of Fat Men. However, the fat men of Quahog are strangled one-by-one.so the Fat Society live in terror. Who is the strangler?

Peter's Done It!

When Peter’s dad visits the Griffins, he tries to impose his religious beliefs on the family. But after a mishap leaves Stewie stuck living in a bubble, Peter searches for a new religion finding faith in his television hero the Fonz. But “Happy Days” are not quite here as the newly established Church of the Fonz struggles to retain its members

Brian Sings & Swings

After an accident lands Brian in the hospital, he has a near-death experience that leads him to take a new lease on life. He finds a passion for singing and develops a new nightly gig with Frank Sinatra Jr., but his "live in the moment" lifestyle only goes so far. Meanwhile, Meg's sexuality swings the other way.

Patriot Games

At his high school reunion, Peter pretends to be a big-shot millionaire to impress his classmates, but the truth comes out when he meets Tom Brady and loses all self-control. Peter makes a drunken run for the bathroom that impresses Brady and lands Peter a spot on the New England Patriots football team. Life is great for the Griffins until Peter’s new high profile goes to his head. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes a sports bookie.

I Take Thee Quagmire

When Peter goes on a television game show and wins a maid for a week, Quagmire becomes smitten with her and ends up popping the question. But when Quagmire’s bachelor tendencies resurface, he takes some serious steps to get out of the marriage. Meanwhile, Stewie fights against breast-feeding withdrawals when Lois tries to wean him

Sibling Rivalry

After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy. But after the operation, Peter's sex drive becomes nonexistent. When Lois packs on some extra pounds, Peter's interest is renewed and things heat back up in the bedroom until her unhealthy eating habits get the best of her. Meanwhile, Stewie's half-brother and archrival Beltram confronts him and they declare an all-out war for control over the playground.

Deep Throats

When Meg lands an internship with Mayor West, Brian argues that he's corrupt. Determined to expose his shady ways, Brian and Stewie go undercover and discover that Meg is in deeper than they thought. Meanwhile, a local talent show brings Peter and Lois back to their folk singing days. Unfortunately, they also revert back to their hippie ways and Chris must stage an intervention.

Peterotica

After reading an erotic novel, Peter decides to write one of his own and gets Carter to publish it. But when Carter gets sued for Peter's book on tape, he loses all his money and is forced to become a middle-class citizen, much to his chagrin. Meanwhile, with the flick of a switch, Chris becomes a genius and competes with Stewie to take over the world.

You May Now Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives

While visiting the Griffins, Brian's gay cousin Jasper announces he's engaged to his partner and wants to be married in their home. But when Mayor West bans gay marriage in Quahog to cover up an unrelated scandal, Brian becomes a crazed activist and resorts to hostile ways to change the mayor's decision. Meanwhile, Lois questions her view toward gay marriage and Chris joins the extremist "Young Republicans" group to win a girl's heart.

Petergeist

After Joe builds a new home theater system, Peter tries to top it by building a multiplex in his backyard and discovers an Indian burial ground. But when he takes an Indian chief's skull, the house becomes haunted and Stewie pulls a "Carol Anne" and gets sucked into the television. Unfortunately for the Griffins, getting Stewie back from the poltergeist is just the beginning.

Untitled Griffin Family History

When the Griffins get robbed, the family runs into Peter's panic room to escape the trespassers. Now isolated and trapped, Peter insists the family know about their ancestry and narrates a chain of events in world history that explain the Griffin name. Meanwhile, after Meg is chosen to go back into the house, she scares off the robbers in an unexpected way.

Stewie B. Goode

Bango Was His Name-O

Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure

Stewie Loves Lois

After Lois saves Ruppert, Stewie's beloved teddy bear, he becomes obsessed with her. However, Lois isn't too happy with the new Stewie. Meanwhile, after receiving a prostate exam, Peter thinks his doctor molested him.

Mother Tucker

When Peters mother announces that she is getting a divorce, Peter feels abandoned until he finds a father figure in his moms new boyfriend, Quahogs resident anchor man, Tom Tucker. Peter takes such an interest in Tom that he reverts to being a child again, but things arent all fun and games for long. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own NPR-style radio show, but when Stewie hears the news, he cant help but stir things up.

Hell Comes to Quahog

After Peter buys a military tank with Meg's money, her car fund goes out the window and she's forced to get a job at the newly built Superstore in town. However, the town's economy begins to suffer when Superstore puts all the mom-and-pop shops out of business and sucks up the city's power supply. Brian and Stewie decide to take matters into their own hands in order to save the town from the corporate giant.

Saving Private Brian

After Chris is approached by an Army recruiter, Brian goes to the headquarters to give him a piece of his mind, but Stewie tags along and gets them both enlisted in boot camp. The two make it through training with no help from Sergeant Angryman (Gossett) and end up in Iraq, where they try everything possible to get an honorable discharge. Meanwhile, at home base, Chris joins a Goth rock band and their hit track is Evil, Evil Monkey.

Whistle While Your Wife Works

When Peter hurts his hand and his boss Angela (guest voice Carrie Fischer) tells him he needs to pick up the pace, Lois goes to the brewery and helps him play catch-up. Meanwhile, when Stewie discovers that Brian is dating a very attractive but intellectually challenged girl named Jillian (guest voice Drew Barrymore), he tries to convince Brian to break up with her, but Brian cant close the deal because she is so hot.

Prick Up Your Ears

When Lois discovers that Chris has some bad information about sex, she volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school. After Lois upsets the other parents with her honest approach, Principal Shepherd (guest voice Gary Cole) is forced to replace her with Reverend Jerry Kirkwood (guest voice David Cross). Meanwhile, Meg and her new guy take an abstinence pledge, but still manage to find a loophole. And a terrified Stewie sets a series of traps for the Tooth Fairy, hell-bent on destroying him.

Chick Cancer

Stewie ties the knot with his old friend and fading child actress Olivia, but their relationship quickly turns into a traditional marriage filled with resentment and bickering, which comes to an ugly head when they join Brian and Jillian (Drew Barrymore) on a double date. Meanwhile, Lois introduces Peter to chick flicks, and he decides to make his own movie based on the plots of every girly movie ever made.

Barely Legal

Brian goes to the school dance with Meg after she can't find a date, where he gets drunk and makes out with her. As a result, Meg begins to think of Brian as her new boyfriend, which turns into an unhealthy obsession. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police force to help out Joe.

Road to Rupert

Brian accidentally sells Stewie's teddy bear, Rupert, at a garage sale. This, of course, upsets Stewie, who inevitably drags him along in yet another cross-country road trip, this time to Aspen, Colorado, to find him. Meanwhile, Peter's licence is suspended and Meg becomes his personal chauffer.

Peter's Two Dads

Peter accidentally kills his father Francis, only to learn that he's not his real father. Peter and Brian find his real father in Ireland and, to prove he's his son, challenges him to a drinking contest. Meanwhile, Stewie gets spanked by Lois after acting out, only to discover that he likes the abuse.

The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Peter confronts a bully who has been harassing Chris and ends up beating him up. Peter then realizes that bullying is fun and ends up becoming a bully himself. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes obsessed with getting a tan, though he ends up getting a nasty sunburn and fears he's developed skin cancer.

Airport '07

Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey

No Meals on Wheels

Boys Do Cry

No Chris Left Behind

It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One

Meet the Quagmires

Blue Harvest

Movin' Out (Brian's Song)

Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air

Stewie Kills Lois (1)

Lois Kills Stewie (2)

Padre de Familia

Peter's Daughter

McStroke