How Not to Live Your Life (2008)

How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying

When Bobby discovers a talent for target shooting, Hank thinks this could be his chance to bond with his son. The only problem: Hank can't shoot. Ashamed to admit that he can't use a gun properly, Hank refuses to enter the father-son fun-shoot with Bobby.

Texas City Twister

When Hank discovers that the trailer Luanne grew up in is still available, he wants Luanne to move out of the house and back into the trailer. Hank and Peggy have a fight where Peggy accuses Hank of being cold and repressed, and Hank sort of tells Peggy to go to hell. After Peggy goes with Luanne to help her move, Hank learns that a tornado is heading for the trailer park. It's up to him to save his wife and niece, and to prove that he's not so repressed after all.

The Arrowhead

After Hank finds a couple of Native American artifacts in his yard, a snobbish archaeology professor from Arlen University gets Peggy's permission to dig there. Peggy is fascinated by the professor's sophistication and knowledge, and Hank becomes jealous.

Hilloween

Junie Harper, a conservative church member, declares that Halloween is a Satanic holiday, and gets the school to shut down Hank's "Haunted House" on the grounds that it violates the separation of church and state. Luanne and even Bobby start to believe Junie when she says that Hank is a Satanist, and Hank has to fight against Junie's attempt to cancel Halloween for the whole town.

Jumpin' Crack Bass (It's a Gas, Gas, Gas)

Hank can't catch any fish with hand-dug American worms, so he decides to try some artificial bait. Unfortunately, he mistakenly buys crack cocaine, thinking that it's fishing bait -- and the fish become addicted to his new bait. But Hank gets in trouble with the law when he goes back to the dealer to buy some stronger bait.

Husky Bobby

Bobby becomes a successful model for overweight boys' clothes. Peggy is happy that Bobby is feeling good about himself. But Hank is worried that Bobby will get picked on.

The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteburg

When Hank and his friends get trounced by four teenagers in a game of paintball, they fear that they're growing old. They decide that to beat the teenagers in a rematch, they'll have to learn to understand the mind of a teenager.

The Son That Got Away

Hank and Kahn fear the worst when Bobby, Connie, and Joseph explore a cave where teenagers go to make out.

The Company Man

Hank tries to get the propane account with Mr. Holloway, a visiting businessman from Boston. Holloway has stereotypical ideas about Texas and is disappointed that Hank doesn't live up to the stereotype. So Hank must swallow his pride and act like a "cowboy" to get the account.

Bobby Slam

Bobby joins the wrestling team at Tom Landry Middle School. When Connie decides that she, too, wants to wrestle, Peggy uses Title IX of the Civil Rights Act to force the coach to give her a tryout. But the coach gets his revenge by pitting Connie against Bobby in a wrestling match.

The Unbearable Blindness of Laying

Hank's mother comes to visit for Christmas with her new boyfriend, Garry. When Hank walks in on his mother and Garry having sex, he goes blind.

Meet the Manger Babies

Luanne starts doing a Christian puppet show, "The Manger Babies." Hank agrees to play God in the televised version of the puppet show. But when it turns out that the show will be on at the same time as the Super Bowl, Hank has to choose between helping Luanne or watching the game.

Snow Job

When Hank's boss, Buck Strickland, has another heart attack, Hank expects to be put in charge of the company while Buck is recuperating. Instead Buck picks Lloyd Vickers, a business-school graduate, and puts Hank in charge of feeding his dogs. At Buck's house, Hank discovers that Buck's stove is electric, not propane. Realizing that Buck is just in propane for the money, Hank considers leaving the propane business and opening up a general store instead.

I Remember Mono

On Valentine's Day, Peggy finds out that Hank lied to her when they were dating: he told her he was at home one week with a football injury, when he actually got mono from kissing another girl.

Three Days of the Kahndo

Hank and his family go with Kahn and his family to spend a weekend in a duplex condo in Mexico. When Kahn discovers that only the bottom half of the condo has been rented, he breaks into the top half and lets Hank stay there. Dale shows up to stay with the Hills, and when Hank, Kahn and Dale are arrested for breaking into the upstairs condo, they have to sneak back across the border.

Traffic Jam

After Hank has a car accident, he has to go to traffic school. The teacher of the traffic school is a comedian, Booda Sack, who gets laughs by insulting the audience. Inspired by Booda Sack, Bobby tries developing a stand-up act of his own. Booda Sack tells Bobby that to be funny, he needs to get in touch with his roots as a white man. Looking for something about "white roots" on the internet, Bobby comes across all the material he needs on a site called the "White Nationalist Brotherhood."

Hank's Dirty Laundry

When Hank tries to buy a new drier, he is told that his credit is no good because he owes money to Arlen Video. The video store's computer says he rented and never returned a pornographic movie, "Cuffs and Collars." Hank refuses to pay for a movie he never rented, and sets out to prove that the computer was wrong.

The Final Shinsult

Cotton teams up with Dale to steal the artificial leg of General Santa Ana from the Arlen Museum.

Leanne's Saga

When Luanne's mother, Leanne, is released from prison, she starts living in the Hills' garage, and becomes romantically involved with Bill.

Junkie Business

After Hank realizes that his new employee at Strickland Propane is a drug addict, he can't fire him, because drug addiction counts as a disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga

To teach his son the value of a dollar, Hank makes Bobby get a job selling drinks at the racetrack, and tells Bobby to do everything his boss says. What Hank doesn't know is that Bobby's boss, Jimmy Witchard, is a complete moron who makes Bobby do humiliating and even dangerous tasks. Meanwhile, Boomhauer competes for the right to drive the pace car in the NASCAR race.

Peggy's Turtle Song

After Bobby eats too much sugar one morning, he is mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her son, Peggy decides to give up teaching and be a stay-at-home mother, a decision Hank fully approves of. But Peggy is so bored at home that she starts taking guitar lessons, and composes a symbolic song about a turtle trapped in her shell. Meanwhile, Bobby takes pills for his ADD, and Luanne becomes convinced that she caught ADD from Bobby.

Propane Boom (1)

When Mega Lo Mart starts selling propane, Strickland Propane can't compete with their prices, and Hank loses his job. He winds up working in the propane department at Mega Lo Mart, under the supervision of Luanne's boyfriend Buckley. Hank and other Mega Lo Mart employees decide to protest the way the company destroys small businesses, by disrupting a concert by the company spokesman, Chuck Mangione. Meanwhile, Luanne, who wanted Buckley to give her the job that he gave to Hank, tells Buckley she's breaking up with him. And Hank, Luanne and Buckley are the only people in the Mega Lo Mart when Hank notices a leak...

Death of a Propane Salesman (2)

Hank and Luanne survive the Mega Lo Mart explosion, but Buckley is no more. Hank finds that he is scared of propane, and tries to figure out how to deal with his fear of dying. Meanwhile, Luanne, who lost all her hair in the explosion, decides to become an activist like Sinead O'Connor.

And They Call It Bobby Love

Bobby starts dating Marie, a girl who's two years older than him. But Bobby takes the relationship more seriously than Marie does, and is heartbroken when she dances with other guys. Meanwhile, Hank and the guys find an abandoned couch in the alley.

Peggy's Headache

When Peggy starts writing "musings" for the local newspaper, the pressure gives her a headache, so she goes to John Redcorn for a theraputic massage. When she finds out that Dale's wife Nancy is having an affair with John Redcorn, she is so horrified that she decides to tell Dale about it.

Pregnant Paws

Hank wants to breed Ladybird, but the veterinarian says that she has a narrow uterus and probably can't have children. Hank becomes obsessed with finding a way to get Ladybird pregnant, which annoys Peggy, because she's the one who really wants another baby. Meanwhile, Dale becomes a bounty hunter and is assigned to hunt down a man with several unpaid parking tickets.

Next of Shin

Hank tries several different methods to improve his sperm count so he can get Peggy pregnant. The frustration of not being able to have another child becomes worse when Cotton shows up and announces that he got his wife pregnant. But Cotton becomes so nervous at the prospect of having a baby at his age that he flees to Las Vegas, and Hank, Bill and Dale go after him.

Peggy's Pageant Fever

Peggy decides to enter the Mrs. Heimlich County Beauty Pageant, where the first prize is a truck. After meeting the other contestants, Peggy starts to become insecure about her looks and her accomplishments, and she hires a professional stylist to give her a complete makeover.

Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men

After a Thanksgiving dinner where Cotton constantly insults Hank's mother, Hank, his neighbors, and his father attend a lawn mower focus group. The company announces that it is retiring its old model and introducing a new, "yuppified" version. Hank is the only one on the group who defends the old mower -- but is he trying to defend the mower, or his mother?

Good Hill Hunting

All the kids in the neighborhood are going on their first hunt, but Hank is unable to get a hunting license for him and Bobby. Bobby is so upset about being denied the chance at a rite of passage that he starts to regress into acting like a little kid. Hank reluctantly decides to take Bobby hunting at the La Grunta Resort.

Pretty, Pretty Dresses

At Christmastime, Bill becomes even more depressed than usual, because it's the anniversary of when his wife Lenore left him. Bill tries to commit suicide, and when that doesn't work out, he dresses up in Lenore's old clothes and declares that he is Lenore.

A Fire Fighting We Will Go

Hank and his friends become volunteer firefighters. They manage to wreck a fire hydrant, ruin a funeral, and finally burn down the Arlen firehouse. But each of them has a different story about why the firehouse burned down.

To Spank with Love

After being taunted and pantsed by one of her students, Peggy loses it and spanks him. She is immediately fired, but Cotton and his old buddies start a campaign to get "Paddlin' Peggy" reinstated. And once she is back teaching, Peggy uses her reputation for violence to scare her students.

Three Coaches & a Bobby

Hank gets his tough old football coach to lead Bobby's football team. When the coach proves to be a tyrant, Bobby decides to quit football and join the soccer team, much to Hank's disappointment. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to fit in with the other soccer moms.

De-Kahnstructing Henry

Kahn gets a great new job and invites Hank over to the office, hoping to make him jealous. While bragging about his job, Kahn gives away government secrets, and gets fired for it.

The Wedding of Bobby Hill

Bobby lets Luanne's new boyfriend, a self-proclaimed genius named Rad Thibodeaux, throw a wild party in Boomhauer's house. When Luanne tells on him and gets him removed as Boomhauer's house-sitter, Bobby starts a prank war with Luanne. When Bobby replaces Luanne's birth-control pills with sweet tarts, she convinces him that the trick has gotten her pregnant. And to teach Bobby about taking responsibility for his actions, Hank and Peggy tell him that he'll have to marry Luanne.

Sleight of Hank

Hank and Peggy go to a magic show where Peggy gets to be the volunteer in the best trick. Hank tries to figure out how the trick was done, and Peggy won't tell him. Meanwhile, Bobby is looking for a way to liven up his Sunday School report on Jesus, and when he sees the magician, he incorporates some of the tricks and patter into the report, calling it "The Amazing Jesus."

Return to La Grunta

Hank gets Luanne a job as a golf course drink girl at the La Grunta resort. In gratitude, Luanne gets Hank a chance to swim with a dolphin. When Hank pets the dolphin, the dolphin becomes aroused and tries to become sexually intimate with him. In return for his silence, the hotel pays him off, and Hank tells Luanne never to talk about what happened. But when Luanne gets sexually harassed by one of the golfers, she decides to follow Hank's example and not talk about it.

Escape from Party Island

Hank takes his mother and her friends to a museum of miniatures in Port Aransas, and they get stuck in the middle of MTV's Spring Break. Meanwhile, Bill tries to put the moves on Peggy while Hank is away.

Love Hurts and So Does Art

Worried at the prospect of going to a school dance with Connie, Bobby starts overeating at the local deli, and develops gout. Meanwhile, Hank goes to an art gallery in Dallas and finds that they are displaying an X-ray of his constipated colon.

Hank's Cowboy Movie

When Hank takes Bobby to the Dallas Cowboys training camp in Wichita Falls, Bobby says he likes Wichita Falls better than Arlen. Fearing that Bobby will leave Arlen when he grows up, Hank decides to make a video to convince the Cowboys to move their training camp to Arlen.

Dog Dale Afternoon

Dale acts like a jerk when he buys a great new lawn mower. In retaliation, his friends steal the mower and convince Dale that it was the victim of a conspiracy. But the prank may finally have driven Dale over the edge.

Revenge of the Lutefisk

Arlen's new minister is a woman, which everyone except Cotton seems to accept. When Bobby eats all of a Midwestern fish dish prepared by the minister, it somehow leads to him accidentally burning down the church. Everyone assumes that Cotton did it, and he is arrested for a hate crime.

Death and Texas

Peggy gets a letter from a Death Row convict who says that he is a former student of hers, and that she had the most positive impact on his life. She starts visiting him in prison and bringing him what she thinks is timer sand for Boggle -- not realizing that it's actually cocaine. Meanwhile, Dale wants to become an executioner.

Wings of the Dope

While studying for her beauty school exam, Luanne sees someone bouncing on Buckley's old trampoline. It's Buckley, who has come back as an angel. Hank and Peggy think Luanne was hallucinating after using too many hair-dying chemicals, but Hank's friends come to believe in the existence of Buckley's Angel. But Luanne finds that Buckley isn't much more help to her as an angel than he was when he was alive.

Take Me out of the Ball Game

Peggy becomes the star pitcher of the Strickland Propane softball team. But Hank's over-managing causes her to lose her stuff.

As Old as the Hills (1)

On their twentieth wedding anniversary, Hank and Peggy get depressed about all their unfulfilled dreams. After getting drunk and passing out, they decide to try something exciting: skydiving. Meanwhile, Cotton's wife Didi goes into labor and Bobby has to drive her to the hospital, and Luanne tries to remain at home without Hank and Peggy finding out she's there.

Peggy Hill: the Decline and Fall (2)

Peggy survives falling out of a plane, but is in a full body cast. Hank is overcome with guilt at having encouraged her to jump out of the plane, but that might not be the real reason Peggy jumped. Meanwhile, Didi gives birth to a baby boy, whom Cotton names "Good Hank." But Didi and Cotton don't know how to deal with a baby, and they leave most of the work to Bobby.

Cotton's Plot

When Peggy gets out of her body cast, she is unable to walk and depressed by the long, slow process of rehabilitation. Cotton decides to teach her to walk again by challenging her, military-style, and inspires her with tales of his wartime heroism. But Peggy starts to lose confidence when she finds out that Cotton's war stories were all fake.

Bills are Made to be Broken

Bill's Arlen High School record for touchdowns is about to be broken, by Arlen's current football hero, Ricky Suggs. When Ricky breaks his leg, the other team allows him to score so he can get the record. Outraged by this bad sportsmanship, Hank convinces the Arlen High coach to let Bill (who never officially graduated from high school) play a game so he can get his record back.

Little Horrors of Shop

When Hank becomes a substitute shop teacher at Tom Landry Middle School, he is so popular that he may beat Peggy as Substitute Teacher of the Year. But when Bobby is found bringing a belt-sander to Hank's shop class, Hank gets in trouble for violating the school's zero-tolerance policy on weapons.

Aisle 8A

Kahn and Minh go to Hawaii on a business trip, leaving Connie with the Hills. And Hank is the only one in the house with Connie when she gets her first period.

A Beer Can Named Desire

Hank wins an Alamo Beer contest, which gives him a chance to go to a football game and win a cash prize. If he throws a football 10 yards into a small hole in the side of a giant Alamo beer can, he wins a million dollars. Or he can have football legend Dandy Don Meredith throw the ball, and win $100,000. Hank has to decide whether to try the throw himself, or take the sure thing. Meanwhile, Bill visits his aunt's Louisiana plantation, and his three beautiful cousins all want to sleep with the last available Dauterive male. But Bill doesn't know which of the women are only his cousins by marriage, and which one is his actual cousin.

Happy Hank's Giving

Hank and his family plan to visit Peggy's family in Montana for Thanksgiving. But their plane is delayed, and when they finally get on the plane, the flight is cancelled when Hank's Thanksgiving turkey is mistaken for a bomb.

Not in My Back Hoe

Hank meets a man, Hal, who is exactly like him in every way. He and Hal become great friends, making Dale and Bill jealous.

To Kill a Ladybird

Bobby adopts a raccoon, Bandit, who bites Ladybird and Dale and then runs off, pursued by Ladybird. Fearing that Bandit might have been rabid, Hank tries to save his dog, while Bobby just wants to find Bandit. Meanwhile, Dale, convinced that he has rabies, runs off to the woods and starts living on mushrooms, which give him hallucinations.

Hillennium

As the year 2000 approaches, Hank becomes a believer in the Y2K bug. He tries to prepare for the millennium by eliminating modern technology, and instead of buying Peggy the new computer she wanted, he gets her an old grandfather clock.

Old Glory

When Bobby gets an F in English, Peggy helps him write a new essay, and winds up writing the whole thing. The essay gets an A, and Bobby gets the credit, making Peggy jealous. Meanwhile, Bill brings home a huge American flag from the army base.

Rodeo Days

When the rodeo comes to town, Joseph becomes a sucessful young cowboy, and Bobby secretly becomes a rodeo clown.

Hanky Panky (1)

When Buck Strickland's wife Miz Liz catches him at a party with his mistress Debbie, she files for divorce, takes over Strickland Propane, and promotes Hank to Manager. Hank finds himself fending off the advances of Mrs. Strickland, who wants an affair of her own, and Debbie, who is attracted to men with power. Meanwhile, Peggy takes over Buck's barbecue joint, Sugarfoot's, and turns it into a standardized restaurant.

High Anxiety (2)

Debbie is found dead in the street behind Sugarfoot's restaurant. Hank was with Debbie's roommate Gayle at the time, but he's afraid to tell the police, because he'd have to admit that he accidentally smoked some of Gayle's marijuana.

Naked Ambition

After Bobby accidentally sees Luanne naked, Joseph becomes obsessed with getting a peek at Luanne. When Connie catches Bobby and Joseph standing outside holding binoculars, she thinks they were peeping at her. Meanwhile, Boomhauer accidentally gets committed to a mental institution, and when Dale and Bill try to get him out, they get committed too.

Movin' On Up

Frustrated with having to obey Hank's house rules, Luanne moves out and rents a house across the street with three other college students. But in trying to get her selfish housemates to help out and pay the bills, she finds herself becoming more like Hank.

Bill of Sales

Peggy gets caught up in a pyramid scheme, selling Metalife health bars. When she discovers that Bill has a talent for selling the product, she enlists his help. But to keep him working for her, she realizes that she has to be mean to him, because being treated badly is the only thing Bill knows how to respond to.

Won't You Pimai Neighbor?

A group of Buddhist monks suspects that Bobby might be the reincarnation of the Lama Sanglug. Bobby enjoys getting caught up in Buddhism, until he and Connie learn that Lamas are not allowed to have girlfriends.

Hank's Bad Hair Day

When Hank's barber goes senile, he turns to Bill, an army barber, for his haircuts. Bill gives him a great haircut, but it turns out that the bill for an army haircut comes to $900. When Hank protests this waste, the army base shuts down its barber unit, and Bill is out of a job.

Meet the Propaniacs

Hank finally starts to like Bobby's comedy career when Bobby starts entertaining the employees at Strickland Propane with propane-related comedy.

Nancy Boys

Nancy and Dale go to a romantic restaurant and fall in love all over again. Nancy decides to end her affair with John Redcorn and be faithful to her husband. But she soon starts to wonder whether she made the right decision.

Flush with Power

During a drought, Hank installs low-flow toilets in his house. But he soon finds that they require so many flushes that they actually waste more water than the old toilets. Hank joins the Arlen City Council in an attempt to get high-flow toilets legalized again.

Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy's Magic Sex Feet

Peggy feels ashamed of her big feet until she meets Grant Trimble, who tells her that her feet are beautiful and even videotapes them. Soon Peggy's big feet are a hit on an internet fetish site, peggysfeet.com.

Peggy's Fan Fair

When the Hills go to the Country Music Fan Fair in Nashville, Peggy hears Randy Travis singing a new song, "Just the Way God Made Me," and accuses him of having stolen it from her.

The Perils of Polling

Hank and Luanne are affected in different ways by the coming presidential election.

The Buck Stops Here

Bobby gets a job as Buck Strickland's caddy. He and Buck hit it off, and Bobby starts imitating Buck and defying his father. Things come to a head when Buck takes Bobby to Hot Springs, Arkansas on a gambling jaunt, and Hank goes after them. Meanwhile, Peggy and Minh get into a heated competition over who can donate the most blood.

I Don't Want to Wait

With Bobby's 13th birthday approaching, Joseph comes back from summer vacation having grown six inches. Bobby is upset that everyone still treats him like a little kid, and Joseph is being driven crazy by the onset of puberty. Meanwhile, Hank tries to build coffins for himself and Peggy.

Spin the Choice

When John Redcorn comes to Bobby and Joseph's class and tells them about the way his people were treated by the white man, Joseph doesn't care, but Bobby is so horrified that he decides to boycott Thanksgiving. At Hank's Thanksgiving party, Bobby stages a tribute to the heritage of John Redcorn's tribe... including their history of cannibalism. Meanwhile, Luanne tells Peggy that everyone hates her annual Boggle tournament, so Peggy invents a new game, "Spin the Choice."

Peggy Makes the Big Leagues

Peggy gets her big break when she is assigned to teach geometry at the high school. But she gets in trouble with everyone from her fellow teachers to the local Booster Club when she flunks Arlen High's star player, David Kalaiki-Alii, aka the Flyin' Hawaiian.

When Cotton Comes Marching Home

Cotton can't support his wife and baby on his pension, so he moves from Houston to the Arlen VFW. Hank gets him a job at a local restaurant, but the manager won't let Cotton have a day off to march in the Veterans' Day parade. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to create an eye-catching float for the parade.

What Makes Bobby Run?

Bobby is chosen to be the mascot for Tom Landry Middle School. When he informs Hank and friends of the news, they tell him about a tradition where the rival school's band beats up Arlen's mascot when Arlen is ahead. When Arlen takes the lead in the game, Bobby runs away, disgracing the whole school. He enlists Dale's help in trying to regain his reputation by kidnapping the mascot of another school.

'Twas the Nut Before Christmas

Bill decides to create his own Santa's workshop at home and spread the Christmas cheer to all of Arlen's underprivileged youth. He enjoys it so much that he tries to keep the Santa act going even after Christmas is over. When that doesn't work, he takes in a local juvenile delinquent, Wally, who takes advantage of Bill's good nature.

Chasing Bobby

Hank's friends all make fun of him when he cries at a "chick flick" called The Flowers of Time. Peggy thinks Hank was crying because the movie reminded him of his relationship with Bobby. But it turns out that Hank was really crying because his beloved truck is breaking down and can't be fixed.

Yankee Hankee

Hank discovers that he is not a native Texan: he was actually born in New York City, when Cotton took his wife there as part of a plot to kill Fidel Castro. When Hank confronts his father about this, Cotton offers to help Hank become a "real Texan." But it turns out that Cotton is just making Hank the fall guy for yet another Castro-killing scheme.

Hank and the Great Glass Elevator

The guys go to Austin for Bill's birthday. At the hotel, they decide to have some fun by mooning people through the glass elevator, and Hank accidentally moons the former governor of Texas, Ann Richards. Richards takes a liking to Bill, and they start dating. But Bill's new relationship is threatened when his ex-wife, Lenore, shows up and seems to be interested in him again. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby discover that they like charcoal-grilled burgers better than burgers cooked with propane, and they try to hide their charcoal addiction from Hank.

Now Who's the Dummy?

A showbiz veteran gives Bobby his ventriloquist's dummy, Chip Block. Bobby starts doing routines about Chip's love of sports, and Hank seems to like Chip's personality better than Bobby's. Meanwhile, Dale, who was scared at a young age by a doll based on Chip, schemes to destroy the dummy.

Ho Yeah!

Hank's new co-worker is Tammi, a not-too-bright young woman who just moved from Oklahoma. Peggy takes Tammi under her wing and offers to let her stay at the Hill house while she studies to get her GED. Peggy and Hank enjoy Tammi's company and the cool clothes she buys for them, though they're concerned that her dates never seem to last more than an hour. But when Alabaster Jones, the baddest pimp in Oklahoma City, comes to bring Tammi back, Hank finally realizes that Tammi is a hooker and that everybody thinks he's her new pimp.

The Exterminator

The doctor tells Dale that inhaling dangerous chemicals is affecting his health, and if he doesn't give up exterminating, he'll die. Hank gets Dale a new job as a faceless drone at the adhesives company, Stik Tek. But Dale's experience at killing living things proves invaluable when he is placed in charge of telling people they're fired.

Luanne Virgin 2.0

With Hank's encouragement, Luanne signs up for a "born-again virgin" program at the church. This leads Peggy to confess something that Hank doesn't know: she had already slept with one other man before she married Hank. Luanne meets a 22 year-old "real virgin," Rhett Vandergraaf, who wants to sleep with Luanne so much that he asks her to marry him, and she accepts. When Peggy objects, Luanne blurts out her secret in front of Hank.

Hank's Choice

When Bobby turns out to be allergic to Ladybird, Hank builds a beautiful new doghouse for Ladybird to live in. But when Ladybird refuses to go in, Hank decides to let Ladybird stay in the house and have Bobby move into the doghouse.

It's Not Easy Being Green

Hank learns that Bobby is protesting against the draining of a quarry. Years ago, Hank, Bill and Dale crashed Boomhauer's car there, and if it's drained, Boomhauer will know what happened. So Hank pretends to agree with Bobby's newfound environmentalist beliefs and joins in the protest to save the quarry.

The Trouble with Gribbles

On Nancy's 40th birthday, the TV station replaces her as the weather girl with the younger, sexier Luanne. Nancy decides that she needs a facelift. To pay for it, Dale hatches a plan to sue Manitoba Cigarettes, charging that the second-hand smoke from their product has made Nancy unattractive.

Hank's Back Story

While preparing for the big lawn mower races in Durndle, Hank experiences back trouble. When he goes to the doctor, he is told that he has a genetic disorder called Diminished Gluteal Syndrome (DGS), meaning that he has such a small rear end that it puts added stress on his spine. The doctor gives Hank a prosthetic butt to wear, but the shame of it is too much until Peggy gets him to go to a DGS support meeting.

Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story

Bobby passes himself off as a high school student (explaining his height by claiming that he suffers from a kidney condition), and gets caught up in the school's attempt to get the band No Doubt to play at their prom. Meanwhile, Dale creates the perfect outhouse, the Port-a-Gribble.

Bobby Goes Nuts

The episode opens innocently enough with Bobby's girlfriend Connie inviting him over to add some spark to her dying slumber party. But after Bobby's beaten up by a crasher, Hank urges him to enroll in a boxing class at the Y. That class is full, so Bobby enrolls in the next best thing: women's self-defense. There, he quickly masters the technique of targeting an attacker below the belt (while yelling "That's my purse!"). Armed with this training, Bobby makes sure that his next encounter with that crasher has a different outcome. And Hank couldn't be more proud---until he learns the secret of Bobby's success.

Soldier of Misfortune

Dale is running for re-election as Gun Club president, but his chances seem to be shot when he accidentally discharges his gun. To give Dale his confidence back, Hank pretends to be "Mr. Big," answers Dale's ad in Soldier of Fortune magazine, and assigns Dale to pick up a briefcase. But Dale bungles the job, and nearly gets his friends killed by his opponent at the Gun Club.

Lupe's Revenge

When Peggy has take the Spanish club on a field trip to Mexico, she accidently brings a Mexican girl, Lupe home. Then, when she brings her back to Mexico she is arrested. Then she calls Hank and tells him to get down to Mexico. He arrives during the trial, and has Peggy's court-appointed attourney to have Peggy take the stand, and explain what happened in Spanish. After they see that she isn't fluent in Spanish, she is found not guilty.

The Father, the Son and J.C.

When Buck Strickland has to build a house for Habitat for Humanity as part of his community service, Hank does all the work. Buck is so pleased that he promotes Hank to manager, but when Hank tells Buck "I love you," he is demoted back to assistant manager. Cotton becomes jealous that Hank likes Buck better, and Peggy, determined to celebrate Christmas by repairing Hank's relationship with his father, tries to get Hank to tell his father that he loves him. But when the plan backfires, this Christmas problem can only be solved by a carpenter with the initials J.C.: Jimmy Carter.

Father of the Bribe

Kahn tries to bribe Bobby to break up with Connie. Connie and Bobby decide to pretend to break up so they can get the money. But when Connie's behavior convinces Kahn and Minh that she is depressed without Bobby, they try to push her and Bobby together. And the more they're together, the more they realize how little they have in common.

I'm with Cupid

Bobby adjusts to his breakup with Connie, until Bill's depressing experiences break his spirit. So Hank sends him to ladies' man Boomhauer.

Torch Song Hillogy

Peggy nominates Bobby to carry the Olympic torch through Arlen, but it's Hank who wins the honor---and bungles it.

The Substitute Spanish Prisoner

Peggy takes an online I.Q. test sponsored by the "Intelligence Institute of Texas," and is declared a genius. When the head of the Institute, Dr. Vayzosa, offers her a chance to get a PhD for only $900, she uses the family savings to pay for it. When Luanne takes the online I.Q. test and also scores as a genius, Peggy realizes that she has been conned, and she comes up with an elaborate sting to get the money back.

Joust like a Woman

Peggy stirs up rebellion among female workers at a Renaissance Faire where Hank is trying to land a big account.

The Bluegrass is Always Greener

Kahn wants Connie to practice classical music so she can become a great concert violinist, but Connie prefers playing bluegrass. Hank and the guys form a band with Connie, the "Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience," and go to Branson, Missouri to participate in a contest. But in his desire to win, Hank pushes Connie to practice and takes all the fun out of playing, just like Kahn did.

Unfortunate Son

When Cotton's VFW has to close down due to a shortage of members, Hank tries to get Vietnam vets to join. But the WWII vets and the Vietnam vets hate each other, and when Hank tries to bring them together, he and Cotton wind up getting pursued by kill-crazy Vietnam veterans who are having flashbacks. Meanwhile, Dale gets a falcon that keeps attacking Bill.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret Hill

Unable to find a full-time teaching job, Peggy pretends to be a nun to land a position at a Catholic school, ending her budding career at Strickland Propane.

Tankin' it to the Streets

After learning the Army used him as a guinea pig for an experimental drug, Bill gets drunk and steals a tank. And it's up to his friends to try to return it.

Of Mice and Little Green Men

When Hank and Dale find more interest in the activities of the other's son, Dale concludes he's not Joseph's father---and that an alien is.

A Man Without a Country Club

Kahn covets membership in an all-Asian country club, but it's Hank who's asked to join---as a token white to secure a PGA tournament.

Beer and Loathing

Peggy gets a job at Alamo Beer, but a clause in her contract prevents her from telling Hank why Texas is completely devoid of the brew for the next 36 hours.

Fun with Jane and Jane

Oblivious to its cultlike ways, Luanne joins a sorority and gets Peggy in too; Hank and the boys rescue emus from death, but don't know what to do with them.

My Own Private Rodeo

Hank learns that the incident estranging Dale from his cowboy father was a cover to keep him in the dark about Dad being in the closet.

Sug Night

Hank is shaken after having a dream about grilling burgers...naked...with Nancy. And the situation is stirred when Peggy finds out.

Dang Ol' Love

Laura Linney provides the voice of a woman coveted by Bill, but wooed by Boomhauer, who experiences his first-ever pangs of unrequited love.

Returning Japanese (1)

The Hills head to Japan in the sixth-season finale because Hank's father, Cotton, wants to apologize for his actions in WWII. The grizzled vet says he plans to address the widow of a soldier he killed. Peggy arranges to cover the visit for the local paper, but the family arrives to find it has become an overblown media event. That forces Cotton to admit to Hank that the "widow" was never married, and the "action" did not occur in battle. Meanwhile, back home, Dale and Bill prove themselves dedicated house sitters by dressing up as Hank and Peggy; and Luanne finds a replacement dog when she thinks she has killed Ladybird.

Returning Japanese (2)

It is revealed that Hank has a long-lost half-brother, who later disowns his American relatives. Angered by this, Cotton plans to spit in the face of the Japanese Emperor Akihito at a ceremony honoring WW2 veterans later that night. As the Hill Brothers try to stop their father, they come to realize how much they have in common. When Cotton finally meets the emperor, his lost son calls him "dad," and he shakes Akihito's hand rather then spit on his face. Meanwhile, Bobby develops a relationship with his dance partner at the local arcade. In the end, the Hills leave Japan both relieved and weary.

Get Your Freak Off

When Hank and Bobby attend a clean-cut boy-band concert, Hank is shocked to find Bobby imitating suggestive dance moves with his new girlfriend, Jordan. His reaction brings a complaint from Jordan's parents, a "progressive" couple who are allowing their daughter to have a coed slumber party. Despite Hank's refusal, Bobby wants to go and gets help from Peggy, who has her own reasons for wanting Hank to lighten up.

The Fat and the Furious

When Bill amazes everyone with his ability to eat many hot dogs in a few seconds, an International Federation of Competitive Eating (the NFL of competitive eating) groupie encourages Bill to sign up for the big contest. But Bill's dream seems to be shattered when it turns out that Dale is better at competitive eating than he is.

Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do

When the guys find graffiti on their fence, they fear that gangs have infested Arlen. But the graffiti turns out to be the work of Tid Pao, Connie's hot, rebellious cousin, who is spending the semester in Arlen. Bobby is instantly smitten with Tid Pao because, although she's very smart, she's also wild and reckless - two qualities that Connie is not.

Goodbye Normal Jeans

Peggy helps Bobby with an assignment for his home economics class and accidentally ruins Hank's favorite pair of jeans. With the help of his teacher, Bobby constructs a perfect new pair of jeans for Hank, which irritates Peggy. But when Bobby further impresses Hank with his newfound domestic skills in the kitchen, Peggy feels even less appreciated. In an attempt to get Hank's attention, Peggy gets a new hairdo, but her plan backfires when the smell of her new hair makes Hank gag. On Thanksgiving, Hank asks Bobby to prepare Peggy's traditional meal. With too many cooks in the kitchen, Peggy decides to take action by kidnapping Bobby's turkey.

Dances With Dogs

When Hank finds Bobby teaching Ladybird to dance, he scolds Bobby and tells him that Ladybird is too old and has arthritis. Bobby is upset with Hank's reaction so he decides to enter Connie's dog in a local dog-dancing contest. But when Hank catches Ladybird dancing happily to music, he decides he should enter her in the contest as well. At the contest, Hank and Bobby must face off and one of them ends up in the doghouse.

The Son Also Roses

When Hank tries to get Bobby to join the football team, Bobby ends up becoming the towel manager instead. Bobby has trouble dealing with the dirty towels and coach's constant berating, so he decides to quit and start growing roses. Peggy reassures Hank that Bobby's interest in roses is normal and that he should be supportive. But when Hank offers to help Bobby win a rose contest, things go awry and Hank ends up becoming the thorn in Bobby's side.

The Texas Skilsaw Massacre

When Hank falls through his kitchen floor, he discovers the underground escape tunnel Dale has been building. What's worse, Hank can't move back into his house until the floor is repaired, and he is forced to move in with the Gribbles, where Dale's annoying habits threaten to push Hank over the edge. When Hank accidentally cuts off Dale's finger with a skilsaw, Dale claims he did it on purpose, and a judge orders Hank to go to an anger management class.

Full Metal Dust Jacket

Peggy, who yearns to meet more people who love books, takes over a local independent bookstore. But when the store starts losing money, Peggy allows Dale to sell guns there as well.

Pigmalion

Peggy forces Luanne to quit her job as a waitress, and then signs her up for a course on enterpreneurism. There she meets Trip Larsen, head of Larsen Pork Products. Trip takes an interest in Luanne, and she soon becomes his girlfriend. Peggy suspects that Trip may be crazy, but when she orders Luanne to break up with him, Luanne refuses and moves in with Trip at his mansion. Trip forcibly dyes Luanne's hair red and makes her dress in a milkmaid's outfit. Luanne discovers that he is trying to turn her into the Larsen Pork Products Girl, an advertising character his grandfather created.

Mega Dale

When the Mega Lo Mart has a pest-control problem, the manager asks Hank to recommend an exterminator. Though fearing that Dale will screw it up, Hank reluctantly recommends Dale for the job. Dale begins work, but he soon begins to suspect that the real culprit is not rats, not mice, but Mega Lo Mart spokesman Chuck Mangione.

Boxing Luanne

Luanne takes Tae-Bo classes to work off her anger at being ogled by the guys in her math class. Buck Strickland and his brother Randy, a boxing promoter, see Luanne working out and sign her up for women's boxing. After Luanne handily wins one fight after another, Hank suggests that she should move up to fighting the best female boxer in Texas, George Foreman's daughter Freeda. Hank then discovers that Luanne's fights have all been fixed: Buck paid all her opponents to take a dive, and the fans were only paying to see Luanne dance around the ring. But meanwhile Luanne (with Peggy's help) has already challenged Freeda Foreman to a fight.

Vision Quest

Worried about how Dale is raising Joseph, John Redcorn asks Hank to take the boy he fathered on a Native American rite of passage.

Queasy Rider

When Hank makes weekend plans without consulting Peggy, the fallout drives them to a marriage counselor. The therapist learns that one of the couple's dreams is to own his-and-hers motorcycles, and suggests they buy one and share it in an effort to bring them together. But his plan backfires when, on the advice of a middle-aged biker couple, the pair head to Sturgis, S.D., for an annual biker gathering.

Board Games

Peggy, Minh and Nancy bond to save a school program, but split up when Minh decides she's the best candidate for a school-board seat.

An Officer and a Gentle Boy

To toughen up Bobby, Hank decides to send him to Cotton's old boot camp, unaware that lawsuits have altered the severe conditions.

The Miseducation of Bobby Hill

Despite a lack of seasoning that Hank deems mandatory, Bobby becomes a whiz at selling propane grills; Bill takes an inadvertent balloon ride.

The Good Buck

Buck Strickland's wife finally kicks him out, fed up with his drinking, gambling and womanizing. A despondent and lonely Buck asks Luanne to give him Bible lessons. His attempts to get closer to Luanne are thwarted when half a dozen other guys intrude on his poolside Bible lesson with a bikini-clad Luanne, but when Buck makes an inspiring speech about how he has seen the light, everyone is convinced that Buck has really changed. Later, an apparently reformed Buck asks Luanne to marry him, but when she turns him down, Buck is furious and goes off on another bender. It's up to Hank to show Buck that "Lady Propane" is the real key to his salvation.

I Never Promised You an Organic Garden

Peggy takes over the organic garden at Bobby's school, but an insect infestation threatens her hope of making the post permanent.

Be True to Your Fool

Bill exposes himself to lice in a futile attempt to meet the "lice lady," and Hank, Dale and Boomhauer all wind up with head lice. Fed up with Bill, the guys refuse to hang out with him anymore. Drunk and depressed, Bill wanders out and winds up getting arrested. Bill soon becomes the most popular guy in jail, where he is dubbed "Hollywood Dauterive." Meanwhile, the guys shave their heads to get rid of the lice, and Hank discovers that he has "BILL" tattooed on the back of his head. After Hank gets the tattoo removed, Boomhauer explains that years ago, when Bill was going off to join the army, Hank tried to prove his friendship for Bill by getting a tattoo. This reminds Hank of what a great guy Bill was before his life went downhill, and he feels guilty. Hank discovers that Bill is so happy in jail that he wants to stay there -- and he's even considering confessing to crimes he didn't commit. In an attempt to talk to Bill and get his forgiveness, Hank tries to get arrested himself.

Racist Dawg

Peggy hires Mack, an African American repairman. When Ladybird attacks Mack, he accuses her of being a racist dog and quits. When a dog trainer tells him that Ladybird subconsciously follows Hank's lead, everyone accuses Hank of being racist, too.

Night and Deity

After Peggy organizes a bird society, Bill begins trying to attract birds by laying out food in everyone's yard. When pigeons begin to flock to Bill's yard as well as all the neighbors, Dale is called in to exterminate but can't get rid of them. Dale calls in the "pigeon god," Arlen's greatest exterminator, Sheila Repkin, who turns out to be a beautiful woman who takes an interest in Dale. When Sheila invites Dale to go on an all-night exterminating session with her, Nancy fears that Dale may cheat on her the way she used to cheat on him. Meanwhile, Luanne celebrates her 21st birthday by going to a bar with two friends, and brings Hank along as the designated driver.

Maid in Arlen

Kahn is appalled when his visiting mother becomes a maid for the Hills. But it gets even worse when she also goes to work for Bill, who finds her made-to-order---romantically.

Witches of East Arlen

Hank is enthusiastic about Bobby's new hobby of cards, envisioning his son as an aspiring poker shark. But they're really tarot cards, and Bobby's fortune-telling brings him to a coven led by a nerdy thirtysomething who urges him to focus his energies on developing otherworldly powers and defying his father.

Patch Boomhauer

Boomhauer discovers that his brother, Patch, is getting married to the girl Boomhauer loves, Katherine. When it reaches a boiling point, Boomhauer drops out as best man at the wedding and Hank is forced to take his place.

Reborn To Be Wild

Fearing that Bobby is succumbing to bad influences, Hank makes Bobby join a local church youth group. Bobby discovers that the group consists of cool punks (including their tattooed pastor, Pastor K) who worship through skateboarding and punk rock. Hank approves of Bobby's newfound interest in religion but disapproves of the way Bobby starts to dress and talk, and when Bobby gets his ear pierced, Hank forbids Bobby to attend the big Christian Rock festival, MessiahFest. Meanwhile, Hank's friends (and Kahn) decide that Death Row convicts shouldn't be the only ones to get great meals, so they create the Last Meal Club, dedicated to creating perfect "last meals" for themselves.

New Cowboy on the Block

Former Dallas Cowboy "Big" Willie Lane moves on Hank's street, and starts causing trouble. Loud parties at night and littering are just the beginning. He cuts Kahn's phone line, lets his dog loose on the lawn, and digs holes in it. The police are side-tracked by Willie's fame, and it's up to Hank and company to uphold the block charter.

The Incredible Hank

Peggy secretly gives Hank testosterone medication, which re-invigorates him but turns him into an overgrown teenager.

Flirting With the Master

The actor who plays TV's "Monsignor Martinez" invites Peggy to Mexico City to tutor his children for an English-language exam. When Peggy gets there, she starts to think that her suave, handsome employer is coming on to her. Meanwhile, Luanne takes on Peggy's duties at home.

After the Mold Rush

When Hank tries to build a cupboard for Bobby, he bangs a pipe causing a leak. The insurance company comes to inspect the damage and gives the house a mold inspection only to discover that most of the house is uninhabitable.

Livin' on Reds, Vitamin C and Propane

Hank needs to take some antique furniture to his mother in Arizona, so he rents an 18-wheeler and takes Bobby on a road trip (with Dale, Bill and Boomhauer stowing away in the back). At a truck stop, they meet several tough truckers voiced by popular country-music stars, who scoff at Hank for trying to "play trucker." Meanwhile, Peggy and Luanne try to write a Christmas novelty song.

Rich Hank, Poor Hank

After becoming inquisitive about how much money the family makes, Bobby goes on a shopping spree with Hank's emergency credit card.

Ceci N'est Pas Une King of the Hill

When Hank asks Peggy to design an art piece for Strickland Propane, her sculpture is rejected by the board and surprisingly picked up by an art dealer from Dallas. Unfortunately, Peggy finds out that the dealer presents her to the public as an uneducated hillbilly.

That's What She Said

The new employee at Strickland Propane is Rich, a young man with a juvenile sense of humor. His off-color jokes and double entendres charm the other employees and make Buck Strickland roar with laughter, but Hank is offended by the tastelessness and vulgarity. The situation escalates to the point that Hank considers suing for sexual harassment. Meanwhile, Dale gives up smoking but takes up chewing tobacco.

My Hair Lady

Luanne drops out of community college to pursue her old dream of becoming a hairstylist. After Bill helps her get her license, they team up to work at a trendy beauty salon. They become the hottest haircutting team in town, but to fit in at the salon, Bill has to pretend to be gay.

Phish and Wild Life

Hank and the guys take Bobby on a fishing trip in order to learn how to be self-reliant. The trip is almost botched, however, when a hippie freakout is held near camp. Meanwhile, Peggy takes to giving unsolicited advice, with mixed results.

Cheer Factor

Peggy becomes coach of the Tom Landry Middle School cheerleading squad, where she unintentionally lands in a power struggle with the squad's longtime director.

Dale Be Not Proud

When NHRA driver John Force needs an organ transplant, Dale is the only one who can save him. Hank encourages Dale to ignore his fear of hospitals and give up his kidney to save Force.

Après Hank, le Deluge

When flood threatens the town, the Arlenites gather in the communal shelter: The Tom Landry gym. Hank is supposed to be in charge, but while he's delayed at the town's hydroelectric dam debating over whether or not to open the floodgates, Bill blunders his way into a leadership role. He finds the power and the adoration of the masses delicious and soon becomes a tinpot dictator, with Hank in the brig and Khan as his right-hand man. Meantime, the kids go wild in the yearbook office, Peggy regresses, and Dale schemes to build an ark to float his family to safety.

Daletech

The success of Dale's new security company is threatened when Cotton becomes the local auxilary police officer.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Alamo

After reviewing Bobby's History textbook, Hank discovers that the story of the Alamo has been replaced. When the school board refuses to bring back the stories of the old, Texas past, Hank decides to re-enact the Battle of the Alamo for Bobby and his friends. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to use Flat Stanley to teach safety rules to children.

Girl, You'll Be a Giant Soon

Hank is outraged when he finds that the Texas State Fair Grill-Off doesn't allow grilling with propane. No one else seems to care, but Luanne, who wants to be treated like an adult, offers to help Hank organize a grilling protest. Luanne enlists the help of college protestors who stage a Seattle-style rally, which so appalls Hank that he kicks Luanne off the protest. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to visit a house where a famous murder took place, but the real estate agent is only letting in potential buyers.

Stressed For Success

Bobby's knowledge of pop culture takes the Quiz Bowl team to the championships, but Bobby begins to buckle under the stress of competition.

Hank's Back (a.k.a. The Unbearable Lightness of Being Hank)

When Hank suffers a back injury at work and none of his doctors can fix it, he tries the healing powers of yoga. At first, he finds it a little too wacky, but thanks to the help of Yogi Victor (Johnny Depp) he realizes that it actually works. Meanwhile, Hank's insurance company sets out to prove that his worker's compensation claim is false and Peggy fights to keep the old Pink & White market open.

The Redneck on Rainey Street

Kahn has a redneck conversion when Connie is rejected from Rice summer school. Since good grades and community service aren't enough to get her into the university, Kahn decides to give up his middle class ways to live like a beer-drinking, El Camino-driving, ATV-riding redneck.

Talking Shop!

Forced to decide between enrolling in shop class where he'll work with guys and sharp objects, or joining the peer counseling class where he'll talk lonely young girls through their problems, Bobby goes where the ladies are. But after a few days of giving advice to these crazy girls, Bobby is the one who needs counseling.

A Rover Runs Through It

Peggy returns home to Montana to reconcile with her mother, only to find that her family may lose its land because of escalating property taxes.

Ms. Wakefield

When an elderly stranger, Ms. Wakefield, visits the Hill residence during Christmas, Hank is thrilled to show her his house since it was also her childhood home. However, when Ms. Wakefield announces that she wants to die in their house, Hank and Peggy want nothing more than for her to leave.

Death Buys a Timeshare

Cotton inherits $10,000 from the will of his friend Topsy, and goes to Mexico, with Bill in tow, to buy a timeshare. Feeling lonely after the death of his friend, Cotton gets suckered in by tales of the timeshare development's owner, O'Kelly, and decides to buy -- even though Americans cannot own land in Mexico. Meanwhile, Peggy, Bobby and Dale search for a pool to swim in.

Yard, She Blows!

Peggy becomes jealous of all the compliments Hank gets on his lawn. She tries to put her own imprint on the front yard by starting a garden, and to make it stand out, she buys a large, horrible-looking "Garden Gnome" that drives Hank crazy.

Dale To the Chief

When Dale re-reads the Warren Commission Report, he is stunned to realize that maybe the government was right all along about who killed Kennedy. Dale decides to abandon his anti-government ways and becomes an insufferable flag-waving patriot. Meanwhile, Hank tries to battle through government red tape when his sex is listed as "female" on his new driver's license.

The Petriot Act

The Hills elect to support their troops by being a surrogate family to the pet of a soldier. Hank hopes to take care of a dog for a soldier serving in Iraq, but instead he gets a cat that belongs to a soldier who is currently stationed in Florida. Things go from bad to worse when the feline requires extremely expensive care courtesy of Dr. Leslie, an overly cautious veterinarian.

Enrique-cilable Differences

When Hank's co-worker, Enrique, is having trouble at home, he forces his way into Hank's personal life. Incredibly uncomfortable with the situation, Hank desperately tries to detach himself from Enrique – with little success. Meanwhile, Bobby hatches a plot to leave his handprints in the cement of the Hills' newly finished driveway.

Mutual of Omabwah

When Hank forgets to mail his insurance payment, the coverage lapses for 36 hours, causing Hank and Bobby to go into a state of emergency to protect the house from any major disasters. Meanwhile, Dale decides to raise bees, Bill and Boomhauer discover the joys of deep-frying, and Peggy and Luanne get stuck at a rest stop when Hank won't let them drive uninsured.

Care-Takin' Care of Business

Lucky becomes Luanne's new love interest. (Note: this might be the B story rather than the main plot.)

Arlen City Bomber

To pay off her credit card debt, Luanne takes a second job: skating with a roller derby team. Peggy ends up joining the team as well and the two of them get in even more financial trouble when they try to start their own team on borrowed money.

Redcorn Gambles With His Future

John Redcorn tries to open a Native American gambling casino to provide a venue for his band, Big Mountain Fudgecake.

Smoking and the Bandit

When smoking is banned in all Arlen restaurants and bars, an infuriated Dale stands up for the smoking community in an act of defiance by going from bar to bar disguised as the smoking bandit. Peggy seeks to uncover the smoking bandit's secret identity for the Arlen Bystander.

Gone With the Windstorm

When Channel 84 hires gung-ho meteorologist Irv Bennett, Nancy and her less-than-accurate weather reports are left out in the cold. Determined to remain an integral member of the news team, Nancy drives a stolen news van into a raging wildfire, aiming to scoop the competition. Meanwhile, Bobby is terrorized at school by a boy who keeps jumping out and startling him.

Bobby On Track

Bobby tries out for the track team and, to Hank's surprise, makes the team. It turns out that the coach is using Bobby's lack of ability to motivate the better runners on the team.

It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings

Desperate to be needed, Bill searches for a new hobby. He joins an all-male chorus, the Harmonaholics, and the guys are taken by surprise but vow to be supportive. When Bill goes AWOL to tour with the Harmonaholics, the guys go after him. Meanwhile, Peggy and Bobby undertake a Pong tournament at home.

Hank's On Board

Hank discovers that Dale and Boomhauer take yearly vacations together, and assumes that they are trying to avoid Bill. He invites his family and Bill along for a weekend at the beach, but during the trip, Hank realizes that his friends are actually trying to avoid him because he’s uptight and bossy. Peggy advises Hank to throw caution to the wind and have some fun with his buddies, but the results leave Hank and the guys overboard.

Bystand Me

When the Arlen Bystander gets a new editor, Peggy gets a job writing a household hints column. Except Peggy doesn't know any household hints, so she gets Minh to supply her with housekeeping tips in exchange for the answers to the New York Times crossword puzzles. Meanwhile, Hank makes Bobby get a paper route.

Bill's House

After Bill nurses Hank, Peggy and Bobby through the flu, he starts to feel lonely when there is no one else to take care of. Hank gets Bill to volunteer at a halfway house for alcoholics, and Bill invites the residents to stay with him. As more and more houseguests show up, Hank becomes determined to find them a permanent residence. Meanwhile, Peggy makes a promise to God that if she gets over the flu, she'll learn to ride a bike, and Bobby makes her keep her promise.

Harlottown

When Hank and Peggy try to clean up a historic Arlen landmark, they find out that the town was founded by harlots and was once a place of ill-repute. The new city manager uses the city's rediscovered history to turn the town into a tourist trap for the adult porn industry. Frustrated by the changes, Hank decides to move the family – that is, until he is aided by adult actress Candee.

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Clown

Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.

Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana?

Kahn is accused of having become so assimilated that he's a "banana" -- the Asian equivalent of an "Oreo." To get back to his Laotian heritage, Kahn adopts a simple lifestyle and abandons the swimming pool his neighbors helped build.

You Gotta Believe (In Moderation)

In order to raise money to save the Tom Landry Middle School baseball program, Hank invites a Harlem Globetrotters-type softball team to compete against his community league Arlen Zephyrs. But Hank ruins the show by deciding to take the game seriously.

Business Is Picking Up

When Bobby attends the school's job shadow program, he winds up interning for Peter Sterling, a man who runs a pooper-scooper business. Bobby is so impressed by Peter that he decides to pursue the same career.

The Year of Washing Dangerously

Hank gets sucked into Kahn's get-rich-quick scheme when Kahn buys the car wash that hosts car cruising on Friday nights. But Kahn wrecks the business by trying to cut corners, and gets bought out by Buck Strickland. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to figure out if Nancy is deliberately refusing to take her calls.

Hank Fixes Everything

Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from "American Chopper" to boost sales at the Propane Expo. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownville Station tickets.

Church Hopping

When Reverend Stroup gives the Hills' pew at the Arlen First Methodist Church to another family, Hank and his family decide to find another church. A slick pastor tries to bribe the Hills into worshipping at his Megachurch.

24 Hour Propane People

When Buck gets banned from his favorite strip club, he refocuses on making Strickland Propane a "fun" place to work. He makes his employees dress in costumes, have sleepovers in the office and use hip catchphrases. It's up to Hank to get everyone focused on selling propane again.

The Texas Panhandler

Instead of getting a job, Bobby and Joseph discover that they can make more money, and look cooler, by hanging out on street corners and begging.

Hank's Bully

A young boy, Caleb, starts following Hank around, making fun of him and generally annoying him. Hank isn't sure how to deal with such a young bully.

Edu-macating Lucky

Lucky asks Peggy to help him get his GED in the hopes of improving his chances of marrying Luanne. Peggy intentionally teaches him the wrong information so he'll fail and give up the idea of marrying her niece, but then she starts to suspect that Luanne might be pregnant.

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